Isn’t that wonderful? I know you love it. Well, I do. Of course, I’ve been chemically altered a bit tonight, so I may even forget that I did this, and will end up posting again.
Anyways, I’m hanging out with a bottle of SoCo. 100 Proof, of course. I’ve been indulging in other ways, too, but that’s not too important. But, anyways, I’ve been just kinda hanging out with the WWE Network this evening, since Cable is at work tonight. Plus, I’ve been thinking. Some good, and some bad. The bad part, of course, is that the bad thoughts are like, really bad. And annoying and painful and this and that and the other thing. You get what I mean.
I suppose maybe the bad thoughts aren’t as bad as they seem. Well, I don’t mean that exactly. They were bad, but they weren’t destructive. That’s closer to what I mean, really. I suppose you could also say that they were more bad in a sad kinda way and not an angry kinda way.
I suppose I could go into specifics, but I don’t know that I want to do that right now. That could change before long. Hell, that could change tonight. I just don’t know right now.
I know that I don’t want to be sad. I mean, for fucks sake, I cry almost every day. Because of this, or that, or that thought, or that worry, or that memory, or that…hell, it could be any reason, really.
You would think that this might mean that my anti-depressant isn’t working. That’s quite possible. I’ve been using it a long time, and maybe it’s not effective anymore. Of course, I never really thought that it was too terribly effective in the first place, but I’m afraid to say much anything, because they will want to put me on something else that is probably more expensive, and I can barely afford to pay for what I have now.
Well, that’s not entirely true. It’s more like, I can’t afford it, but I can’t go without it, either. So I have to figure out a way to pay for it. On the bright side, it’s only once every three months. Well, not totally, not anymore. One med I’m going to have to call in every month, and I’m not going to like it because I have to go to Walmart to get my prescriptions. That’s literally the only vendor that I can go to with my insurance. Of course, since there’s three of them in Fort Wayne, that’s not a horrible problem.
Anyways, these bad and/or dark thoughts are really bringing me down. I mean more than usual. I almost want to sit around and listen to music. That’s never a good thing. I will almost always choose to listen to the most painful stuff that I can find in my library. And don’t get me wrong, there are not ‘just a few’ songs that trigger the pain and the crying and all that. There’s a metric fuckton of them. That’s a real measurement, I’m sure the internet will agree.
But, besides all that, it’s been a pretty uneventful day. It was a shitty night last night, though. I didn’t fucking sleep at all. I laid there for about seven hours, just laying there trying desperately to will myself to sleep, and it just not happening. I will sleep tonight. I’m pretty sure, at least, since I have a bottle with me. There was one drink already taken out of it, but since the majority is…well, was there, I should be good. Of course, the last time, I didn’t even get horribly drunk, which is sad. I got a good buzz going on, but that was about it. I mean, I even mostly remembered what I did the night before, which is really the best I can ask for even if I haven’t been drinking. So, I think I did well in that regard.
I suppose I’m rambling a little bit at this point. Or maybe a lot. At any rate, I don’t have much else to talk about right now. Well, I do, and I don’t. Maybe I’ll find a good time to start posting a few of the things that I’ve been thinking about posting. We shall see. For now, back to the wrestling.