It ain’t great.
I’ve been sitting here for a little while debating on whether to post this, or what to post. I’m not even sure where to start. Some, or maybe even most of it, I’ve mentioned before. Some not. I guess I’ll just start typing and see where it goes. Here we go.
I’m on disability. That means I get a monthly check from Social Security. I only get so much a month, and it’s, of course, a fair bit less than I made when I was working. Literally half of my check goes to the house payment. The other half goes towards the bills. Realistically, I have no money for groceries, alcohol, meds, or anything else.
So, you may wonder how I pay for those other things. I don’t. Right now, my mom does. That’s pretty unfair of me, though. She’s 75 and doesn’t need to be paying my way at this point, but I don’t really have a choice. Plus, she got rid of her fairly lucrative job for a lower paying one. That’s not gonna help.
Any food I get, I get because of her. My meds, her. My alcohol, her. How do I pay for World Of Warcraft? Birthday present. How do I pay for weed? I don’t right now.
Could I change that? I’m not sure. I can’t get a roommate. I mean, supposedly Cable still lives here, but I’ve barely seen him in the past couple weeks. Even if I had a room free, I’m afraid of people, and having a stranger move into the house would probably stress me out so badly that I would end up in the hospital. Or worse.
I could, theoretically, sell the house and move into a rent-controlled apartment. Of course, I would have to figure out how to pay closing costs. I’d also need to pay for a storage room for most of my stuff. That would eat into any possible savings I would get from downsizing. Not to mention that I would most likely be on a waiting list first, and who knows how long that might take.
Speaking of savings, I have none. I don’t even have a savings account. I also don’t have a vehicle. Haven’t for almost two years, and I have no way to get one. There’s probably no way I would get a loan, and I have no way to pay for it anyways.
You may wonder why I don’t just move in with my mom. Well, I can’t. Her house is already full. I’m on the outside looking in, as it were.
My computer is six years old, my phone nearly so. I have no way to replace either of them. If my phone dies, I just have no phone. If my computer dies, all I have is the Chromebook, and it doesn’t exactly play games.
So, what about the rest of my family? They don’t really acknowledge me. Never really have, for the mostpart. Friends? I have Auren, who’s been busy busting my chops over Fallout 76 all week, and another guy, who I have heard from like..twice this year.
I don’t have much. Well, I mean, I have things, but…well, you kinda get the idea. I have video games, but without the meds, it’s a lot harder to do anything.
I feel like I’m reaching a breaking point. The problem is, things aren’t gonna break my way.
I’m not even sure if there’s a point to me posting this. It’s not like anyone is gonna read it. Auren, maybe, but that’s about it. I don’t get views here. I don’t get people watching on Twitch when I stream. I don’t get more than like two views of a minute when I put shit on YouTube.
My life is not great. And people would say ‘Well, you have to make it better.’ Of course, they would neglect to say how, because I sure as hell don’t know how to do it. If I did, I may not be in this position.
I suppose that’s all I have for now. My story is not a happy story, when you get down to brass tacks. Sure, there were a few good things here and there, but by and large…well, you get the idea.
I’ll probably be back tomorrow. Talking about what, I’m not sure. I guess we’ll see.