Five Days Already?

That’s kinda surprising.


This used to be early, not all that long ago. And now it just means I’ve been sitting here almost four hours. Not sure if I like this schedule change or not, especially since it wasn’t voluntary. Not much I can really do about it right now, though.

So, nothing super tragic has gone on in the past few days. I suppose that’s a good thing. I did get annoyed that someone who recently left the Overwatch League is now getting seven figures to stream Paladins. That bothers me, as you might have guessed by now.

Speaking of streaming, I think I’ve finally came to a decision. I could always change my mind later, I suppose, but I think I’m going to quit trying to stream for an audience. I mean, I guess technically I really never was, but you know. I will still occasionally stream in bits and pieces for specific people, but I’m not going to do multi-hour streams where I’m sitting there talking to no one and hoping people come in.

I suppose that means that there won’t be anything going up on YouTube in the foreseeable future, either. But who knows, I may get a desire to throw something up there at some point, not that it will get watched.

For now, I will still be posting stuff up here, and I will still be tweeting. I am going to try and worry/stress less about not being seen. Not worrying about streaming will help with that. Of course, that means I gave up on something I wanted to do, but it obviously wasn’t working out. Maybe if I push the rest of this off into the corner, combined with the removed pressure of trying to stream/YouTube, my gaming mojo might come back. I can hope.

Not sure what the rest of the day is going to look like, and there’s a lot of it left. I was going to spend some time in Minecraft yesterday, but I ended up getting distracted and not doing that. Maybe I will today. Or maybe I’ll do something else. We shall see, I suppose.

For now, I will wrap this up here. Maybe I’ll find something interesting enough to wander back later today. Who knows. For now, I’m off.

A Bit Of An Update.

Streams, and such. Kinda.


So, I was looking around and reading up on ‘How to be noticed on Twitch.’ As I read along, I noticed that for the mostpart, there was actually very little advice on how to be noticed. There was one thing I read that also had parts about retaining viewers, but a good portion of it was common sense.

The first thing I noticed was that using social media is one of the keys. Okay, I already have a Twitter account that I use. Of course, even though I post about my streams(most of the time, sometimes I forget,) I have never once gotten a viewer to come to my stream because of a post. Someone mentioned that you should also use Instagram and Discord. Okay, so..I’ve never used Instagram, last I knew that was mostly for pictures. I’m not sure how that would help, but I suppose I could try it. Having a Discord server for a non-existent community, though, seems somewhat extreme.

Also, I have a website, which is not mentioned as something to use. I know I don’t probably use it as much as I should, but it’s here. It shows my latest tweets, and shows if I’m online on Twitch. Hasn’t helped.

Something else that was mentioned was, don’t play an old game, because no one will watch. And don’t play a new game, because people will only watch the big streamers play it. You should play a game that only has XX number of streamers playing it currently. Okay, but what if those games are ones that I don’t want to play? There’s also the fact that, the same shit still applies. Most of the time, people are going to go to the streams with more people watching, even if there’s not a whole lot of streamers playing it. Streams with no one watching are still going to go at the end of the list. Most people aren’t going to look that far. If I’m at the end of the list, most people aren’t going to notice.

Those were the most popular methods for getting exposure that were mentioned, but none of them actually tell HOW that will help get noticed. People aren’t searching on Twitter or wherever for small streamers, and there’s no good way to search that anyways. Use hashtags, random person says….that’s all well and good, but…which ones? And I generally try to throw a few in there. Sometimes I get a retweet from a bot or something like that, but I doubt any real eyeballs come across it.

Twitch itself is no help, and the Twitch Desktop app isn’t any better. Yes, there’s a section for small streamers on there, but I have never, not once, since that became an option, seen a stream listed with zero or one or two viewers.

I suppose that, in theory, these things help, since they’re done by plenty of streamers. But that’s also the problem…lots of people do it, and as more do it, it just becomes noise.

So, at the end of the day, after all that, I basically have no better idea on how to actually get people to come to my channel than I did before.

So, I continute to weigh my options for now, I guess.

Streaming: Bullshit, Reality, And Me.



Fair warning, if you don’t want to hear(read) me bitch again, better turn back now.

I like streaming, I really do. It gets hard sometimes, though, when my audience is just Auren 99% of the time, though.

I want to be a successful streamer. Not necessarily the top dog, but successful.

Let’s talk about the top dog for a minute. He with his stupid hair and 13+ million followers on Twitch. Who straight up admits that he makes $500,000+ a month, at least, streaming. He who, it has been mentioned by both Kotaku and PC Gamer, was paid hundreds of thousands of dollars, up to a cool $1 million by a publisher to stream and tweet about their new game for like two days. What makes him so fucking special? I know…it’s nothing at all, really.

He’s not the only one, but he is, by far, the worst offender. Paid millions to play games? That’s fucking garbage. I’m struggling to get like, two viewers at a time, and people are just throwing money at this idiot.

I don’t have to be paid like a fucking superstar to be successful. And I suppose I shouldn’t begrudge him for cashing in, but I still don’t like it.

Here’s how things have gone for me. I wanted to play basketball in school. It didn’t work out at all. I wanted to have a good career in IT. It worked, barely, for a little while. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with who I thought was the one. That spectacularly failed, as a matter of fact, it’s fast approaching the time where I will have been alone for six years. I wanted to have a successful gaming community. It worked twice, but not for very long either time. I wanted to have friends and family. Almost no one speaks to me. I want to be a successful streamer. The odds of that happening are probably lower than being hit by a bus in the next 24 hours.

To be something like that, things would have to change drastically. First off, I would have to stream, and stream much more often. To be honest, that would be the easy part. Twitch isn’t too big on focusing on small streamers. Sure, in the Twitch Desktop app, there’s a little part on the front page highlighting smaller streamers. But, those people still generally have a viewer count in the dozens. A while back, I heard about a site that listed streamers that had like zero, one or two viewers, to try and get them exposure. Was I ever on there? I don’t know. It was supposedly automated, but I still wouldn’t know.

To be successful, I would have to have a lot more viewers than I do now. I am far from even being a Twitch Affiliate, much less a partner. I do have a link for donations, but I’m not so sure about that, really. The one streamer I pay attention to on a regular basis is a partner, and of course gets money from bits and subs, in addition to regular donations. Bits and subs are paid out every two or three months. Donations are more direct, but even he, who has been a Twitch Partner for over a year, doesn’t have a really big viewer count, and the donation goal that he sets every month is lower than what I would have to take in. And, while he usually hits that goal, it’s mostly because of like six people who have followed him for a long time and are very generous.

Why do I say that? Well, as you know, I’m on disability. I’m not sure how donations would apply, but I know that as someone on disability, you can still work and get your benefits. Of course, any money you bring in is evaluated by them, and deducted from your benefit. So, if you worked a job that paid you like $400 a month, they would take your monthly payout, and deduct $400 a month from it. At some point, you can make too much, which is a number well below your full benefit, and you will receive nothing from them. Of course, that would be devastating to someone like me. I would not only have to make the full amount of my disability from donations, but a bunch more than that, because I would have to pay taxes on that.

So, I would have three options: Never make any money at all from streaming, make so much that I can overcome both my lack of benefits and taxes, or commit tax fraud. On top of that, if I did make enough to overcome the payment and taxes, because I wouldn’t have disability anymore, I would lose my Medicare.

I’ve thought about this a few times, and have spent a good deal of time today thinking about it. And I’m not happy. It really sucks to say, but to be quite honest, my best course of action is to give up on the one dream I have left, not stream, and just be miserable. Happy and successful people say to follow your dreams. They have never had their dreams, even one of them, crushed under the boot of life, and left to die a horrible death. I have tried to follow my dreams, and every time I just get crushed and broken.

I’m not sure where to go from here. I don’t have much left.

Maybe brighter days are ahead, but I sincerely fucking doubt it.

Almost Christmas.

It’s true.


So, I’m all alone until some time tomorrow. I’m thinking about maybe streaming tonight. I mean, it’s not like I have much better things to do, and I have a pretty good opportunity to do it tonight. Of course, probably no one will show up, but it wouldn’t be a first time.

There hasn’t been too much else going on in the past few days. Yesterday was football day, of course. Those are starting to run out. Only one more week of the regular season left. Next weekend, we will see if the Colts actually make it to the playoffs.

I shaved today, at least for the mostpart. It had been a while, and it was bugging me, so I decided to finally do it. Felt okay, I guess. I’m glad I did it, so, I guess that’s good.

I guess I don’t have much else to say right now, so I will wander off and see what’s what for a while. I thought this might be longer, but I really don’t have all that much for you right now. Keep an eye on twitter and see when and if I stream. It’ll be a good time, I’m sure. Well, I think.

A Short Fallout 76 Day.

We got some done, though.


Did some streaming tonight, and got the Mistress Of Mystery questline done. That’s about it. Trying to get the Explosive Bait thing finished, but the box was empty again, and I need a Frag Mine and Radstag meat, you would think that these two things wouldn’t be that hard to find. I mean, I found a couple Frag Mines, but like a goober, I sold them.

Also, you can’t get back into the Mistress Of Mystery area in the Manor after you finish the questline, which is too bad, since there’s a couple mines in there. Ah well.

Maybe next level I’ll pick up Demolition Expert so that I can just make a frag mine. Still need to find somewhere Radstags are, though.

Anyways, here’s this:

Fallout 76 – Stream 9

Some More 76!

It was good, even if it wasn’t productive.


So, we got a good stream in today, though we really didn’t get all that much done. We did get more done than I was actually expecting when we were getting down to the nitty gritty.

Anyways, we got some stuff done, and two more levels. We’re close to my melee character. And this is what you really want:

Fallout 76 – Stream 8 – Good Stuff.

Extra Long.

That was the stream today.


I don’t have much else to say, but I will say that we got a really long stream in today, and here it is:

Fallout 76 – Stream 5

Some good stuff right there. Well, some bad stuff, too. But we moved on from that, for the most part.

I will be back tomorrow.