It’s been another fairly quiet day today. I really didn’t do anything besides watch the rest of the Fallout New Vegas No Kill run. It just finished up a few minutes ago. I’m not entirely sure what to do now. I’ve been watching Fallout videos for several days now, and I feel a little sad that I’m through them all. Well, all the ones I was planning on watching, at least. I’m sure there’s a million more on YouTube, but details. I’m also feeling pretty blah tonight. I was doing okay mentally earlier in the day, and was excited for the storm that almost was, but of course, wasn’t. My mental wellness has gone down since then, and I don’t even have a concrete reason why. Of course, when you have chronic depression, you really don’t need a reason for feeling shitty, you just do. Brain chemicals and thoughts and all that good stuff. Which reminds me, I saw something the other day that said “Depression is a result of overthinking things.” That’s a vast oversimplification and definitely not true. Or at least that’s a backwards statement. Overthinking can lead to depression is a better way of phrasing that. But to boil it down to one sentence is an insult to me, and to all depression sufferers.
I’ve been feeling pretty invisible lately, as well. I sometimes try to say things to people online, and occasionally make a phone call, or try. But really, the only one that’s actually spoken to me is my mom. I suppose I got that letter from Cable, too, but that’s not quite the same. I don’t know what it is about me that people either won’t or don’t acknowledge me, or maybe they don’t even notice I’m there. Usually I’m pretty okay with that, because I like kinda being off in my own world, but then there’s things like wanting to do LP’s and stuff like that. I have those two Doom LP’s up on YouTube, and they’ve been up for a really long time now, but I think I only have somethinly like 126 views, and no comments at all. Might as well not be there, I guess. Which keeps leaving me to question whether I even want to put the effort in. I mean, I kinda want to, but if no one is going to bother to watch, why record? And not a single person has watched the entirety of one of my Doom LP’s. I guess I just don’t know what to do, or if I should even bother. I would probably bother more, if people knew I was even around, but they don’t seem to. I have like 25 followers on Twitter and most of them are bots. Almost no one comes here, though I keep posting anyways. I just…I don’t know. Blah.
I think for tonight, I’m going to play some Clicker Heroes and maybe watch some wrestling before I go to bed, which reminds me, I’ll be a week behind tomorrow. Maybe I should use some of my day tomorrow to catch up. We will see. For tonight, I shall retire back into my shell.