I’m depressed tonight. I suppose that’s not saying much, though, considering the fact that I’m always depressed. I guess it’s worse than usual, though.
I was just sitting here thinking about my love life. Or lack of one. Most of the time it hasn’t been all that great. I don’t know why, though. I don’t think I’m bad looking or anything. Just…I don’t know. I was damn cute in high school, not that it helped. I never had a girlfriend in high school. Hell, I couldn’t even get a date for prom. I asked 11 different girls, and they all said no. I quit asking after that. I ended up staying home and playing Doom with a friend of mine. Part of me wishes I would have gone anyways, but what good would it do? I would have just sat around, mostly by myself. I probably had a better time with Doom than I would have there. Of course, I’ll never know that. College wasn’t much better. I had one girlfriend in college, but she was a bit older than me, and was just using me to get through the semester. Once that was over she was out of there. Then came ex-wife number one. That whole thing only lasted a few years, and I’m still paying for it now. That’s how I ended up with Cable and his brother. Not that they’re mine. I mean, they are, but not biologically. The actual marriage lasted a year and a quarter. Well, technically we were married for longer than that, just so that I could provide insurance for them. After that came ex-wife number two. We were together for a long time, kinda. The whole thing was 14 years. We were together for a while, then we moved in together. After four years we got married, and that lasted for three years. Then she divorced me. We ended up back together some months later, but it was never the same. I wasn’t allowed to live with her at all for the next seven years we were together, though I suggested it many times. I guess I just wasn’t important enough. Then, eventually, she stopped having sex with me. That was over two years ago. Then a few months later, a little bit less than two years ago, she decided it was time to break up. It surely wasn’t a mutual agreement, but my opinion and feelings never mattered anyways. Last year, I want to say around August, I found someone online who was interesting. She was a gamer and my age even. I thought maybe the gods were smiling on me for a change. Of course, I shouldn’t have gotten my hopes up at all. As soon as I sent her a picture of myself, she was ‘not romantically interested’. Because that’s the way my life goes, I suppose. So, here I am, single and alone. I’ll probably end up staying that way, too. It’s not like I have a lot of prospects, well, more like zero. Girls just aren’t interested in me. I don’t know if I’m not good looking enough, and that there are better options out there. Or maybe it’s because I’m broken and girls can sense that. I just don’t know. You’d think there’d be someone out there, but I guess not. Of course, I had actually found one, but she got tired of me, as you can tell from above. What’s a lonely guy to do? Keep looking? Why? Just to get rejected again?
I guess I’ll just continue to sit here all by myself and lonely. Maybe that’s the way it’s supposed to be.