So, I felt weird last night. Unfortunately, I feel worse today. Not because of how I felt last night, but because of what happened. I had a dream about my ex last night. This wasn’t a bad dream, in fact, it was the first good dream I had about her since she left me almost two years ago. It sucked. Now my heart hurts, and my head aches, and I don’t know what to do about it. So, I’ve just been sitting here listening to depressing songs all day. I need to try and shake this off, but I don’t know how. I’ve never known how. If it had been a bad dream, I could have handled that just fine, I’ve been having those for a long time now, and I’m used to it. I suppose they help me feel justified for all the hurt that I felt, and the hurt that I still feel, I guess? I mean, it is fading, it has been a long time now, but there’s still some there, and there probably always will be. It just sucks that I’m too broken to love. I guess I just got reminded of that by this dream. We haven’t even spoken for almost three months, because the last time we spoke, I dared to have feelings. How shameful. She hates that when I have pretty much any feeling besides indifference, so she decided we shouldn’t talk. So…we haven’t. It would be nice to get my last few things back from her, but I have no idea when that might be. It’s not a lot, but it would be nice just the same.
So now, here I sit, feeling horrible and not wanting to do anything. I should probably force myself to do something, like play a game. If nothing else, it would keep me occupied for a while. I may try that. I suppose it’d be better than just sitting here.